I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
