I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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