I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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