I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
