Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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