Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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