You can't motorboat a personality
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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