Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Randomize
