In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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