yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
