I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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