dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Semen is not good for contacts.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
