I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
