Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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