i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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