So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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