He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
she woke up with a sticky ear
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
