I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
