How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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