I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
