Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Boobs speak an international language.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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