well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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