Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
