I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
