all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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