Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
