we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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