She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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