The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
