I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
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