The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
