i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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