I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
