Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
