She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
