found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
