so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He kissed a someone with a penis
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
