no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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