So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
