Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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