You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
