Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
