I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
