yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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