Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
