why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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