So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
