so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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