there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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