PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
