just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
