Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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