i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
