I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
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