The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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