Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
